Reminders

I was literally writing a post about my gratitude for the return of my partner, friend, and love when the jacka** failed to look up from his video game and help soothe the fussy baby back to sleep. I went from mushy to seething in a moment - I told him my back hurt and transitions with a 17-pound dead weight are challenging even when I feel normal. Why hadn't he noticed that I needed a hand and/or a strong back? Gone all weekend, then to come home oblivious and useless. Rage!!!

When I could communicate in a non-screeching manner I told him, quietly and evenly, that I could have used his assistance. He was astonished and apologetic and hadn't put it together that bending down to lay a baby in a (very low) crib would hurt (see: oblivious). It was a bit of a harsh reminder: he can't read my mind and I have to use my words to ask for what I need. Argh.

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Anyway, that feeling when you are parenting solo and no one is coming to relieve you? Not my cup of tea. Strength to the single parents, hell, all single people out there. It is nice, nay, essential to have backup, even if you actually have to call for it.

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I've had a recurring fear that I would slip and die, or even worse, hurt myself badly in the bathroom (one of the most dangerous rooms in the house! Major site of injuries and accidents! You will probably never be found but if you are you will be naked!). This fear is particularly heightened when I am alone, either on the road or at home. This weekend I had a flash of it as I was bathing the baby for the first time. If we slipped and fell, no one would come for us for days. When I mentioned this afterwards to J he didn't mock me, but asked whether I'd had my phone with us in the bathroom, just in case. Astonishingly, after all these years of worrying about this scenario, it had never occurred to me to do so. If I had fallen and couldn't get up, I wouldn't have been able to call for help because I was too stupid to keep my magic communications device within arm's reach. Yeesh. Now who's oblivious.