Doom

Our quintiped is now a fully functional quadruped. While Baby's head-down, 5-limbed motion meant that he would no longer stay where placed, it was not a particularly effective form of locomotion. Now that he has unlocked the mysteries of crawling, he can pretty much apparate (apparently) from one side of the room to the other. Now we really have to start baby-proofing...  

Provisioned

Few things give me as much satisfaction as a stocked pantry and a fridge full of prepped and cooked food. We washed, chopped, mixed, sautéed, fried, steamed, and boiled up a storm, and have to show for it:

• ready-to-eat fruit
• potato salad
• "good things" salad
• spicy eggplant
• stir-fried greens
• rice
• baked oatmeal
• potstickers (for freezing)

Plus take-out spicy fish from our favorite Chinese place. We should be good to go for at least a couple days!

Better than expected

This last book club selection was the worst - written in the voice of a hateful and antagonistic caricature of an insult to neanderthals, repetitive, unrelentingly annoying, with no silver lining in sight... The best thing I can say is that the message, however painfully delivered, is important, and that the book itself was mercifully short. However, it turns out that those elements make for great and juicy discussion, probably the best we've had so far! Everyone had something, quite a bit, actually, to say, and hearing other viewpoints helped flesh out our own (well, mine anyway, can't speak for the others). Lively discussion +  delicious food in our usual spot = overall great time. Hating is better when you do it together!

*****

Baby let us go out to dinner! We got to have our anniversary dinner out in a nice(r) place! Despite a few indignant squawks, he was so generally charming and adorable that we braved and enjoyed a 3-course meal (yes, are total eating-out-with-baby amateurs). We let him participate fully, sitting up in a high chair (where we had to steady him the whole time - he still is just a wee tot), eating and drinking, looking around, and being held when (minimally) necessary. We thought we'd outrun our luck, but he fell asleep in the car so we didn't even have to pay the screaming-in-car-on-the-way-home tax! It really couldn't have been more delightful and was lovely to spend an anniversary all together. Loving is also better when you do it together!

Not getting enough done

Must get it together, sit down, and work. These "fractured attention" and "I'm tired" and "this is boring" excuses are wearing thin enough that I'm sick of them. I have a great thing going and I don't want to risk losing it. Time to nut up and shut up. 

Satisfied

When the 2nd book in a trilogy is < the 1st book, but the 3rd book is > the 2nd book and almost = to the first, with a satisfactory, albeit seemingly temporary conclusion (with a set up for the next book, if not the next trilogy), I'm pretty happy. Especially when it's a total young adult genre book - in that case, it's practically all you could ask for. While I'm annoyed that the ending is only temporary, the resolution for this set of characters at this time is enough - bittersweet, without many (if any) loose ends, characters mostly staying true to to their development thus far, adequate and yet not-overreaching number of quotable snarky lines, etc. If anything, there are too many pairings all of a sudden - not everyone needs a partner for the end of times! It's nice, but a little much to swallow. Still, for a YA trilogy featuring a kick-ass teenage girl set in a magical near-earth, it was good enough that I read all three books in a week. This time pretty much came directly out of sleeping time, which is quite precious at the moment, so it's just about the most flattering endorsement I can make right now. Daughter of Smoke and Bone, I can't wait till there are more of you!

A better day away

Over the hump towards being done, and things are looking up! Of course, that mindset is helped immeasurably by a magnificent meal of dumplings, dumplings, and more dumplings, plus some surprise spicy cabbage.

*****

Being away from the boys is so much better managed with regular picture updates. It soothes me in the feels.

Don't want to be here

The work day is tedious/fine but man, "family" dinners with a pile of picky eaters is the worst! Especially since we are SO CLOSE to Asian food heaven (aka the San Gabriel Valley) so I am resentful that I can't go off on my own. If I can't be with my actual family I should at least be able to eat what I want! Even good burritos aren't really my thing. Tomorrow we feast!!

Don't want to go

Although I enjoy business travel - getting out of the office routine, seeing new places and people, and eating as well as possible - the day or so before a trip, I always dread leaving. The logistics of moving myself about the earth and saying even a temporary goodbye to my person were daunting enough to make me clingy, teary, and snappish (such a charmer!). That was before, and now it's at least an order of magnitude worse. Last time (the first time!) I felt guilty but 3 adults per one cranky baby is a pretty great ratio for coverage and breaks. This time, leaving the boys alone…eek! I'm not afraid - I actually think they will be fine, if somewhat tired of each other by the time I return - but I am so sad to leave them behind and on their own. It just doesn't feel...proper :(

A day just like before we had Baby!

"Except, you know, with more feedings. And diaper changes. And hiking with him strapped to my chest is kinda warm. But also, more cuteness."

Not a bad trade!

Ouch

And this is why we do not do workouts-harder-than-walking on back-to-back days, remember??!!

No snowflakes here! Just good times :)

While that's not great for the snowpack, it's nice for our household! Little Owl was a champ tonight, allowing us to go out in the evening and socialize without dramatic protest. He handled crowds and music and strange (to him but not us) big and medium-sized people touching him. There was furrowed brow aplenty and many stares of consternation, but no crying, overt fear, or even significant irritation for being subject to so much sensory input.

Potentially helpful factors:

We fed him right before we left.

He had a monster nap in the afternoon, which mellows him considerably about everything. 

We kept him in the carseat for a while, which forms a bit of a sensory muffling pod, and he was held the whole time he wasn't in the pod.

We left before he freaked.

Even without our very favorite food trucks it was a wonderful time and he remained in a decent mood to receive Auntie. A very successful day!

Hoot

"Hoo hoo."

I startle and exclaim, "is that Baby?! Is he up?"

We listen and sure enough, "hoo hoo."

I rush-tiptoe into the bedroom, hoping that he isn't too far along waking, wondering that his usual waking cry is not this little hoot that he makes during the day, but his irritated wail. I find that he is still peacefully sprawled, completely and blessedly asleep.

Ah, not the Little Owl, but an actual owl. I'm awesomely original at this nicknaming stuff!

Snowflake retreat?

Kindermusik is loud, bustling, and attended by far more tots than I thought would be available at 10 AM on a weekday. I thought the Snowflake would appear with a vengeance but instead, he looked around, wary but interested, and tolerated the chaos. (Well, for two songs - I didn't want to push it.) Afterwards we walked about the library, observing the architecture (the walls, columns, and ceilings really drew his attention), gave a few furtive smiles to friendly-seeming folk, and breezed back out. Even with the usual meltdown in the car on the way back home, I'm chalking this one up as a success!

Snowflake has company

Wow. Two more babies plus two more adults plus all the noisemaking toys in our house turned on at the same time plus a couple extra phones = LOUD. I was concerned about his less-than-thrilled reaction, but you don't have to be overly sensitive to shut down after all that. Having friends over is lovely but next time we will prepare ourselves. With earplugs.

Snowflake

Baby clearly has some sensitivity to loud (and not-so-loud) noises. Unfamiliar noises (helicopters, turning on the shower) are The. Worst. but even ordinary noises (crinkling a bag, banging a pot in the sink, the hubbub of a crowd in the store, sneezing, coughing, breathing loudly...) will startle him, sometimes unto unearthly shrieking. If not immediately comforted back into a relaxed state (meaning, if you continue doing whatever you were doing), he will continue to cry and whine with escalating urgency. We're not sure what is so frightening about the ordinary noises - being shown what is happening, demonstrating that he will not be eaten, and fun distraction will sometimes work to a degree, but the only real solution thus far has been to cease and desist the noise or remove him entirely from the situation. It's…challenging and limiting and frustrating and sad, because we don't want him to be continually in a state of fear. Maybe this is a phase? It seems to be pretty recent, only a few weeks old, and coinciding with his much expanded interest in the outside world. Hopefully it passes quickly because we don't want for this to be the way he interacts with the world, for all of our sakes. 

Whirlybird of death

We saw a helicopter take off from close proximity for the first time today. It's actually quite a rush - the deceptively lazy early rotations rushing into a thundering beat; the airman casually sitting with leg dangling, half inside and half outside the open side door, where he remained until they were up and well away; the rhythmic, billowing wind; the vibrations in the ground and all around - and Baby hated them all!! He made his fear of the vile machine perfectly clear. The brief respite brought about by the astonishing speed of lift-off and agility in darting behind the mountainside was ruined when it came back to buzz the field. (Rather thrilling! If only he were a little bit older!) Clearly it was back to kill us all! Alert the village!!!

Irony: it was a medivac coptor. 

Sleep keeps you strong

It's best to separate anger about the act from anger towards the person, if possible. Sometimes, at 4 AM, it isn't possible. Getting back to sleep, however, is instrumental for regaining perspective. 

DUH. 

Resilient

Oh, thank goodness, Hi-Chews don't dissolve in the laundry.

****

OMG, WTF, why don't Hi-Chews dissolve in the laundry??!!

Calm and nice

If a happy wife = a happy life, a happy baby = a happy universe. I swear!

****

It's so almost oppressively sunny here that we treasure the rare misty, moody days. No need to "get outside and enjoy the beautiful day," but we do anyway, to savor the cool gloom.

****

I feel like such an earth mother Dr. Evil when I'm nursing; the baby curls in my lap and I stroke him like a cat, (hoping to be) lulling him to sleep. 

Relief

Oh, that gurgling, honking, glorious laugh. Even after only a few (interminable) hours absence, I missed you so. Thank goodness you are back. Please come and stay a while tomorrow.

Pestilence III

And this we brought upon ourselves. We keep trying to remember that a fever and a piteously wailing child means that the powerful immune response is provoking the development of strong antibodies, but it's easy to see how someone could conclude that the vaccines made their baby sick. Poor miserable little one. We're sorry you feel visibly terrible but it really is for your own good. 

An ordinary day

No one is sick. We left the house - together. All is well. 

Sleep is for the strong

It is NOT a weakness to need adequate sleep. There's a reason that sleep deprivation is an instrument of torture. It is, however, a weakness to give in to sleep-deprived crabbiness and poke and snark (the snide kind, not the funny kind) at undeserving (well, at least mostly) loved ones. I need a little more sleep than most people during the best of times, and the newborn months are understatedly not the best case scenario for blissful sleep. My old friend insomnia coming back to visit hasn't helped, either (damn you, racing thoughts! Doubly unproductive!). Maybe I should learn to meditate? My hitting the wall isn't pretty :(

Hobbit child

There's definitely a familial explanation for why the boyo likes staying close to home, but on the nights we want to get out and at least try to do something, it's slightly irksome and more than a little heartbreaking. He actually seems afraid to be out and about. We're not sure if it is the overstimulating environment, simple unfamiliarity, something else, or a combination of factors, but it's becoming clear that he doesn't like leaving the neighborhood, particularly at night (early evening but before bedtime). Perhaps it just doesn't suit his rhythms, but that doesn't really make sense either because we go walking about that same time most nights. It really isn't his fault but it's frustrating that we can't go anywhere all together without upsetting him. Poor little one, we need to stop tormenting him. Maybe when he gets a little older? Or maybe we need to acclimate him to going out more during the daytime? The owner's manual doesn't address this issue!!!

Pestilence II

Another man down. First illness for the wee one. Yay milestone? He's fussy and uncomfortable but doesn't seem to be in as much pain as during teething so hopefully this is it for a while.

Pestilence

A man-cold is among us! While unpleasant for all, I am grateful that we hadn't been sick like this in over a year. Better living or at least surviving through chemistry!!

How much better

than:

You've ruined our lives

and

I wish he'd never been born

are:

I love him so much

and

You were right

A thousand? A million? Infinity, I think.

****

In all fairness new fatherhood is hard on dads - they don't have the benefit of rushing hormones to help grow a bond with the wee invader. Also, most people aren't at their best when massively sleep-deprived and continually subject to unpredictable, loud, and unpleasant noises (i.e., are being tortured). Finally, their favorite person was hurt and is now incredibly preoccupied with both physical recovery and caring for a squalling stinkbomb. Given time to adjust, however, we are all in a much better place. And a smiley, burbling, adorably squishy baby doesn't hurt, either.

In summation

to yesterday's post, with a little time for perspective:

None of us are perfect, but I like being on this team :)

Reminders

I was literally writing a post about my gratitude for the return of my partner, friend, and love when the jacka** failed to look up from his video game and help soothe the fussy baby back to sleep. I went from mushy to seething in a moment - I told him my back hurt and transitions with a 17-pound dead weight are challenging even when I feel normal. Why hadn't he noticed that I needed a hand and/or a strong back? Gone all weekend, then to come home oblivious and useless. Rage!!!

When I could communicate in a non-screeching manner I told him, quietly and evenly, that I could have used his assistance. He was astonished and apologetic and hadn't put it together that bending down to lay a baby in a (very low) crib would hurt (see: oblivious). It was a bit of a harsh reminder: he can't read my mind and I have to use my words to ask for what I need. Argh.

*****

Anyway, that feeling when you are parenting solo and no one is coming to relieve you? Not my cup of tea. Strength to the single parents, hell, all single people out there. It is nice, nay, essential to have backup, even if you actually have to call for it.

****

I've had a recurring fear that I would slip and die, or even worse, hurt myself badly in the bathroom (one of the most dangerous rooms in the house! Major site of injuries and accidents! You will probably never be found but if you are you will be naked!). This fear is particularly heightened when I am alone, either on the road or at home. This weekend I had a flash of it as I was bathing the baby for the first time. If we slipped and fell, no one would come for us for days. When I mentioned this afterwards to J he didn't mock me, but asked whether I'd had my phone with us in the bathroom, just in case. Astonishingly, after all these years of worrying about this scenario, it had never occurred to me to do so. If I had fallen and couldn't get up, I wouldn't have been able to call for help because I was too stupid to keep my magic communications device within arm's reach. Yeesh. Now who's oblivious. 

Call me, maybe?

All praise the miracle that is modern communications technology. Today I talked to or wrote to my people in FL, MA, MO, OH, TX, VA, and right down the street. I even saw some of them through video calls. Given how bad I am at keeping in touch even with all this at my fingertips, I'm profoundly grateful to have these tools at my fingertips. So I guess I'm saying, thank you iPhone!

Not actually a mom milestone - okay, maybe a small one

Well, I'm no longer a deadbeat mom that hasn't ever bathed or fed her child solid food. And now that I've experienced these wonders, Dad can come home. Soon. ASAP. NAUGH!

Actually, day 1 of solo parenting has gone fairly smoothly. Here's to hoping that the rest of the weekend follows suit.

All in a day's...

They are all crazy. If I could just figure out what they want me to do, I would more than meet them halfway - I would anticipate needs and aim to meet and hopefully exceed every expectation. Except, see previous: crazy. Thus, no accurate anticipation possible and great frustration and gnashing of teeth on my end :(

Together again

While 4 on 1 is a wonderful ratio for childcare, it does mean that any one person gets far less time than usual; particularly the full-time folks, who are acutely aware that the visitors want to gobble up every precious moment. So while it's challenging to have less backup than to which we've become accustomed,  I'm enjoying spending more time with my little man. Even when he is not enjoying his time spent with me. Loudly ;-)

4 on 1 really is the best ratio

I wonder whether this low-level but constant concern about the state of someone else's colon will be permanent.

****

Great grand-parentage pays for the real and imagined sins of difficult in-law-hood. A child really can make a family.

Date night

Because - grandparents. We picked the least baby-friendly restaurant (the one with fire and scissors and hot sauce and tongs and zillions of small plates) and stuffed ourselves silly on literally half of what we used to order. We stumbled home at 8:30, feeling lame and happy.

New initiative

One thing about today. Sounds easy enough, right? We shall see!

When you buy/get Easter candy for a baby that's too young for treats, you get to "help" eat all the candy. Score one for parenthood!