Guesting

Granted, I'm a pretty picky, anal person that likes to get her own way. That said, I do think there are basic rules of self-conduct for house guests. I tend to note behaviors in three broad categories:

a) outright bribery

b) appearance of helpfulness

c) charming amusement

a) What can I say? I'm easy. Bring me flowers, crappy chocolates, a bottle of cheap-assed TJ's wine, a tin of sardines, or a colander, and I'm yours. It really isn't the value of the gift, but the thought that counts. It does occur to me that this system could be abused by trash pickers and people trying to clean out their cupboards (Hey, let bring her this old can of pickled eggplant!; Oh look, a sock on the ground, she'll love it!!), but this policy hasn't burned me yet. I am also susceptible to dinners out or food brought back to the house.

b) No, I'm not the best housekeeper in the world by a long shot, but those who at least attempt to help maintain the present state of cleanliness are greatly appreciated. I consider offers to help clear the table, do the dishes, help with chores, and otherwise picking up after one's self to be a most basic form of politeness while being a guest in someone else's home. I'm not (yet) a crazy Midwesterner who expects people to disregard my declination of helpful offers and bustle about, hunting up some useful occupation while I clean. The offer, if genuinely meant (meaning, no grumbling if I take you up on it), is all I want.

c) Please entertain me. Or at least talk to me. It's nice when my guests interact with me so I feel less like a B&B keeper or superior, familiar servant, and an actual friend. Being (or at least trying to be) funny and/or interesting, and interested in the host, is a fundamental requirement of a good house guest who hopes to remain friends in the hereafter.

The rare, prized house guest contributing in all arenas pretty much receives an on-the-spot repeat invitation. A nice, normal visit may consist of one or two of these pleasing, qualifying behaviors. Woe, however, to the person who exhibits none of these marks of grace. Especially upon multiple occasions. Particularly when the visits result from begging favors of the host, rather than following an expressed invitation. That person is saving money on hotel fees at the cost of potentially losing a friend. I admit that thinking through and redefining these rules for myself has caused some introspection and I vow to do better as a guest in my own travels.

Incidentally, the thank-you note is a nice touch, but is not a make-it-or-break-it affectation for me. I came late to the world of thank-you notes, and thus am more sensitive to those folks who don't understand the joys of gratuitous thank-you-noting.