But it didn't.
Sigh.
What does that mean? That I don't want children? That the babyhunger is lurking just around the corner, waiting to chase me down and knock me into madness as I descend into my 30s? That it will never come? I WANT TO KNOW.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Here's what I was hoping
That I would cuddle my tired, floppy niece and, as her skinny monkey arms slipped around my neck and her soft, silky, baby cheek brushed mine, my heart would burst with love, an orchestral (or ocean, not picky) swell resound, and the world become awash in a rosy glow. The birds would shout alongside my life changing realization - I WANT THIS. My fears about family life and ugly/mean/stupid children and overwhelming responsibility and lack of sleep/money/personal time would fade away, quieted by the music of certainty and desire.
But it didn't.
But it didn't.
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5 comments:
Has the above actually happened to people you know? I'm curious.
*****
Sometimes, when I'm playing with the girls, maybe there's a crescendo of swelling music and a thought unbidden that says: EH, IT DOESN'T COMPLETELY SUCK.
Heh, that sounds...nice, I think. It turns out, searching the Interwebs on this issue yields people in 3 camps - 1) I've always known, so haha to you indecisive suckers, how could you NOT know??!!; 2) I didn't think I wanted babies yet/at all, but I had one and it's the Best Thing EVAH!!!; or 3) Hate babies and proud of it! SO not helpful. If you know of anyone who was genuinely ambivalent and made a decision one way or the other (not, accidents solve all wonderings), I'd REALLY like to hear about it. So far, nada. Everybody JUST KNOWS, one way or the other. I hate them.
I wonder how many people *do* fall into 4) Parents by accident. (i.e., me -- and Craig by association)
Can't think of any genuinely ambivalent people yet, although I'm just going to let that thought percolate and see what I come up with.
I thought of someone!
You are da best!
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