Current mood: contemplative, considering
Cute, really nice, sweet, gurgly, adorable babies are not exactly falling from the sky or being found under cabbage patches, but they do seem to abound in my life all of a sudden. I have an elfin chicklet of a niece, a fat, happy, burbler of a nephew, and numerous pretty friends' babies to be enchanted by. Birthin', child care, and infertility (I have weird blog tastes) terms are common vocabulary now, and my closet is filled with pastel gifts intended for both actual and theoretical children. I enjoy running after the walkers, cuddling the lab babies, and cooing in ridiculous baby talk (can't help it, I swear!). I can change a diaper, warm a bottle, sort baby laundry, and sterilize with the best of them. I've been spit up on, covered in questionable fluids, taken away chewed-up food from, and been made sick by children. Short of raising them myself, I've been exposed to enough childhood vagaries to think that I'm ready to do it myself.
Except.
I don't want them. Some are surprised that I've made it through my 2Xth year without being overcome with the baby hunger. Others counsel to "get it over with" before the child-lust that's sure to come makes me crazy. Since I've been terribly, terribly average in many things, I, too, am surprised that I've not yet been struck dumb with biologically-induced longing for sweet motherhood. Nature, after all, is catching up with me, deferred prima para age in the U.S. notwithstanding, and my mother's warning against "waiting too long" started years ago.
I want them some day, I think. I've always imagined my (long in the) future self with a traditional family (complete with puppy, though sans white picket fence, and once in a while, including a pony). Sometimes, though, I look around at all this child-wealth around me and think that they will be sufficient. I love these kids, but I really treasure my sleep and free time, and the money shot of childbirth from Knocked Up didn't exactly leave me with a burning desire to experience it firsthand. In addition, my personal experience with mothers doesn't leave me warm and fuzzy enough to actually entice me into a parallel existence. I wonder if I have what it takes to flout custom and culture and be content with perpetual aunt-hood. Is that even what I want? I would like to be comfortable with the idea, if only to be supportive of those who have chosen that life, but I'm not sure it's for me, either.
They say you just "know" when you're ready to spawn. I hope I know, definitively either way, fairly soon, so the actual decision is already made for me. In the meantime, there are plenty of beautiful kiddies to play with!
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7 comments:
I'm working on being more warm and fuzzy myself, although I don't feel the need to try to get more converts...
So, people really believe that you'll "know" when you're ready? These things don't just happen accidentally? Huh.
Sigh, yeah, my own experience with my mom hasn't left me burning to try to have a daughter that doesn't like me. The beauteous Connie Britton, as Mrs. Coach Taylor on Friday Night Lights, recently said (cried) it best that she's stuck with another 18 years of child rearing, and the girl is just going to be mean to her like her current bratty teenage daughter. Eh, this is depressing.
Speaking of which... I've kinda started watching FNL when I remember (that's what happens when you're sitting on the couch being motherly). You're right; it's good. I like Mrs. Coach.
But that is only the main con. There are many pros that I can think of for having children, one of which being the hypercompetetive, not-very-attractive part of me, thinking I can do better! Seriously, though, I can see a lot of reasons for becoming a parent, biological impulses notwithstanding.
Oh yes, and FNL continues to delight. This season, however, can't hold a candle so far to the perfection of the 1st season. It's not often that TV comes with a money back guarantee!
My main con before having kids: toilet training.
And, after last night, still a big con. But I suppose dealing with all the other bodily processes up until then kind of inures you to the reality.
Still, though...
(Second main con: sick (e.g., vomiting) kids--fortunately haven't had to deal with this yet, knock on wood)
One more thing: guess I'll have to see how I can catch up from the beginning with FNL.
Is it worth it? (like what I've been doing with Battlestar Galactica) Or is knowing the "current" storyline somewhat of a detriment? Hmm...
Ew. Yes, bodily fluids and, er...solids do seem to be a MAJOR con. Luckily(?!) I've already been puked on by kids. Not that it's a pleasant experience, but I've already got it out of the way.
Knowing the currently storyline is only a tiny giveaway in the first season of FNL, as its beauty is revealed in the journey, not the rather obvious (I'll give you that. It's supposed to be cliche. Gorgeously rendered, utterly human cliche.) plots. Definitely recommend for purchase, or at least watching them all on nbc.com. I'm not sure if season 1 is up, but season 2 is!!
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