Courtside

Currently with: achy ankles and happy arms

I haven't played so much tennis in a long time. It was nice to actually walk over and use the beautifully maintained, practically-in-my-backyard courts that I've been thinking about for nearly two years.

The first time out was a disaster. More hits "out of the ballpark" than I care to recall, burning heat of the midday sun (I didn't pick the time of play), and a mysterious, itchy rash that seemed to indicate that tennis is NOT fun and most definitely a BAD idea. Also, I, um...grunt. A lot.

Second time out, much better. It seems that my arm (and presumably, the rest of my body) somewhat remembers how to do this. Slightly less virulent appearance of the mystery rash. More loud swearing than grunting.

Third time out, mostly fun! Almost no rash! Actual running and volleying! Yelling and pumping of fists, rather than grunting!

This is an increasing returns trend that I could get used to.

Monochrome

Currently: TV is informative!

Catching a brief glimpse of the top ten finalists of the Miss Universe competition last night, I marveled that the world over seems to produce beautiful women in the form (excepting the contestant from Tanzania, whose facial structure, highlighted by her completely congruous bald head, made me want to weep at its striking perfection) of light honey-skinned brunettes (all sporting luxuriously long, gently curled locks) with Caucasianish features. And two of them were Asian! All were within an inch and/or cup size or two of each other, but otherwise completely interchangeable in terms of their appearance (and purported aspirations, but that's another post entirely). You would have been hard-pressed to find 9 women who looked so much alike in the same school (that's accounting for cliquish girls who tend to look/dress alike), let alone as randomly selected (ha!) representatives of ethnically diverse nations.

Strange.

On the other hand, as a long-haired, honey-skinned brunette (and otherwise having extremely little in common with our Universal misses), it's nice to know that blonde is out this year.

The ballad of BADMAN

What would you do

if, when driving along

some f*cktard comes charging

to "right" perceived wrongs.

He cut ME off

and then sped away;

shot ahead straight forward

while I braked in dismay.

I followed more slowly

casually noting his plates

then turned to the left

moving on with my date.

My carmate, in passing

did indulge in some antics;

BADMAN then whipped around

looking more than just frantic.

He quickly caught up

and rode close to my back

brandishing a hammer

readying for an attack!

While stopped by the red

he pulled over alongside

leaned out of his truck

and screamed threats to deride.

His tone was vicious

his face was aflame

the hammer was THISCLOSE

and WE were to blame!

He peeled off in the night

triumphant and gloating

we stayed on our path, shaken,

and chock full of loathing.

The movie could not hold

our shattered attention*;

we did not want to go home

to make an unfortunate connection.

For this troubling incident

began right in front

of the complex I live in

and now I have to fear running into that stupid jackhole of an insane RUNT!!!!!!!**

************************************

And that is the story of how I spent several of the wee hours of Saturday morning at the police station and why I no longer feel safe in my own home. The crazy bastard is apparently a regular visitor at my complex, which is how I got the rest of his plates and was able to report something substantial to the (completely useless) authorities (their recommendation was to "stay away from people like that"). Like a BAD neighbor, BADMAN is there!!!!

* Though this might have had something to do with the fact that Pirates III, while spectacular and gaudy and rife with beloved and less-beloved characters, made NO SENSE WHATSOEVER as a story.

** Rhyming is stupid; BADMAN was/is a moderately large person.

Ye olde mortification

Currently: eek!

So, on the way back from the field trip, (too) comfortably ensconced in the sunny-yet-individually temperature-controlled back seat like a child riding with its parents (if its parents were the head of the department, nay, director of the entire Northern Virginia graduate student program and its newly-minted thesis advisor), I faded into sleep, lulled by the gentle buzz of their kindly banter.

The problem?

I THINK I SNORED.

When I awoke (panicky about the snoring, which I always feel when I fall sleep in public) from my brief nap, I announced ever-so-casually that I "[was] back," and they greeted my pronouncement with more than the merest hints of smiles (and not the proud, happy smiles of new parents when Baby has successfully occupied herself with sweet, quiet, sleep, but the slightly gleeful smiles of nice-but-perfectly-legitimately-snarky people who can't help thinking, "whoa, got quite a logger back there!").

Argh.

Still roadlike

Current mood: I'm getting better! (I swear!)

This week I'm traveling with our head expert, our guru, the one that we all call for con-/af- firmation of our thoughts//hunches. Coincidentally(?), this is the first trip in which I genuinely feel confident about my abilities as an inspector (i.e., that I actually feel like I know what the h*ll I am talking about when I tell people they are being bad, BAD! little folks).

Of course, this confidence is in no way helped by having the human (topic-focused) encyclopedia around. Nah!

On the down side, I am fairly certain that he might be having serious concerns about my competence, since, instead of thinking deeply about/looking up the answer to Stuff I Should Really Know, I simply ask him because it is way, way faster.

Eh, efficiency/laziness (best when both!) is king, so c'est la vie.

This road is getting long (also, work is fun)

I was sitting quietly in the chair closest to the inner doors, waiting for our contact to arrive. My inspection escort (a weedy, older gentleman) was sitting on the far side of the (small) lobby.

Our contact, a big, burly, and bewhiskered bear (sorry, I couldn't help myself) of a man entered the room and crossed over to my inspection escort with nary a glance at (except out of the corner of his eye, and instantly dismissing) me, all the while genially introducing himself and making blustery small talk. He put his arm around the smaller man, wheeled them about, and started back towards the door to begin (he thought) the inspection.

My escort managed to stop him before they reached the door, turned around, and introduced me as "the inspector from ________ ."

[a taken-aback look]

[stutter, stutter]

He was very nice to me.

More notes from the road

A few days ago, I went into the office far earlier than I am wont and was consequently unashamed to share an elevator up with a coworker because I didn't have to pretend that I'd already been in the office for hours, I swear, and I'm only back from taking something out to my car, which of course is the reason I have my bag with me and look all groggy.

Anyway.

She looked...different than usual and I couldn't quite place the reason, nor the identity of the small bag clutched in her hand. I looked over and asked if she came into the office at this (ungodly) hour each morning and she nodded tiredly. I observed that her life is not at all fun (also rhymes with "sucks") and she heartily/wearily agreed, noting that she "doesn't even put on [her] makeup until [she] wakes up enough to be able to trust [herself] with sharp objects near [her] eyes," (I may or may not have added the last bit) and brandishing her makeup bag (incidentally, the only thing she was carrying. hmmm, weird.).

Aha!

I got to thinking (slowly, after a few minutes, when the thinking gears kicked on) that, wow! does she look different (ahem, better) with makeup on!

And then I thought about how that sentiment could be applied to myself.

And promptly dismissed the idea to concentrate on far more palatable thoughts, featuring unicorns and puppydogs.

Notes from the road

What is the right thing to do when a girl (in a hot-pink jumpsuit, resplendent with fluttery hot-pink ribbons) plops down next to you at the airport, shakes off her flip-flop, and begins liberally applying a rather...fragrant lotion to her foot (which is pointed in your direction and dangerously near)?

a) hit her
b) compliment her (ugly!) feet
c) pull her (stupid!) ribbons
d) scream in frustration, because this really just is the icing on a trying day
e) tell her off
f) ignore it and it will go away
g) cough/sneeze exaggeratedly, yet somewhat truthfully from her foot fumes, loudly sigh, and then gather your things and move exactly three seats over, all the while giving her pointedly poisonous looks
h) some combination of the above

Guess which I did?

What goes up, must come---AHHH! AHHHHH!

The flight path from LAX to Ontario (CA) looks approximately like this:

and takes place in about 25 minutes.

During each of these 25 minutes, I am almost entirely convinced that the propeller (nearer to my side) will leap off its axis and slice through the plane and likely myself, we will fall out of the sky into a small body of water, and all die immediately and/or drown.

Closing the window does not help this conviction, as the plane is tiny enough so that:

1) I can see the other propeller out of the window across the very short aisle,

and

2) The entire plane is shaking/humming/jostling about from the propeller action/roar.

I do not like short flights.

Neither do my eardrums.

Here's what I have to show for it

Four plus years in the area and I have been to/done these uniquely DC things:

- the Botanical Gardens (orchids galore!)
- Folk Life Festival
- National Book Festival
- shopping in Georgetown
- seeing the fireworks for July 4th from a building roof top
- the National Arboretum (I'd like to go back. We only explored a teeny fraction of the grounds.)
- the Museums of Natural History, Air & Space, American History, Hirshhorn, Building, and the American Indian
- the Sculpture Garden
- quality time in the Sackler, etc., labyrinth of galleries
- the National Gallery (both east and west)
- the National Zoo (revive the red pandas!!)
- D.C. Film Fest and the Environmental Film Festival
- concerts in the atrium of the National Gallery
- the Library of Congress (I have a library card!)
- concerts on the Capitol grounds (Memorial and Veterans Day, I think)
- kickball on the White House grounds
- events and exhibits at National Geographic
- Artomatic
- Taste of DC
- RESTAURANT WEEK!!!!!
- drinks on the Sky Terrace at the Hotel Washington (where you can see the White House snipers!), at the Four Seasons, Cafe Milano (my tall, gorgeous, married friends got hit on and I was with them, so does that count as getting picked up?), and on the Georgetown Waterfront
- most of the monuments, both day and night, particularly FDR and the Jefferson Memorials
- going out in Dupont, downtown, and Adams Morgan
- shows (volunteering) at Wolf Trap x ????
- cherry blossom and other times around the Tidal Basin
- flying out of Reagan, Dulles, and BWI (this experience I could have done without)
- theater, music, dance, symphony, and opera performances at the Kennedy Center
- shows at the State, National, Warner, Birchmere, and Signature Theaters
- many, many visits to DC area restaurants
- a graduation at DAR Constitution Hall
- a wedding reception at the Willard
- posing in said wedding photos at the Jefferson Memorial
- Screen on the Green (Me: Meet me at the Washington Monument. Pizzaboy: Sure, which one?)
- Shakespeare Free for All at Carter Barron
- rollerblading/jogging along the GW Parkway (part of the Mt. Vernon Trail, I believe)
- a presentation at the old convention center
- events at the new convention center
- playing in Old Town (samurai film festival, the Torpedo factory, strolling along the waterfront)
- lectures all over town
- finding treasures at Eastern Market
- conferences in downtown hotels
- hiking at Great Falls (VA side)
- hiking on as yet unknown (to me) sections of the Billy Goat Trail
- exploring Teddy Roosevelt island
- wine tasting at a vineyard somewhere in Maryland
- waiting for and viewing a presidential funeral motorcade
- marching in a protest parade (once, but that was by accident)

Summer project? Check.

Currently: Cheshire-like

I am going to be paid to do the research for my capstone paper.

My capstone paper will be the first degree requirement (as in, I haven't taken any core classes yet) that I complete.

My topic involves a national park that I've wanted to visit for some time.

My expenses to visit the park will be covered.

:)

Shy

Currently: impatient

Ordinarily, I do not have a shy bladder. With a family of 5 and only one bathroom, you get over that kind of modesty early unless you want to hold it forever. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean that I am automatically immune from publicly shy bladder syndrome.

Sometimes I just can't go, even if I really want to, when other people (strangers! Or worse, coworkers! Who smiled at you and said "hi" before you entered the stall!) are present. This is killer when the friendly smiler has decided to spend quality time in front of the mirror primping, or even better, hang out for awhile, chatting with the people other restroom visitors.

Which leads to gratuitous (but hopefully unheard) foot tapping, face-grimacing, and many, many muttered (but hopefully only in my head) curses invoking bad copier karma and burnt, spilled coffee.

So, be kind! You might be the one slowly crushing the soul of (or at least making very uncomfortable) a shy bladder person. Restroom etiquette requires you to take care of business and exit as quickly and quietly as possible. Isn't the kitchen or balcony a better hangout, anyway?

What traffic?

Current mood: no wonder my brakes quit

One way, perfect light-changing patterns obviously designed by a brilliant transportation engineer (or else my county finally ponied up the cash to buy a decent piece of transportation modeling software, which eats a whole lot less) to facilitate smooth, nonstop traffic flow. Smart government!

The other way, brake-grinding angst, as every single light turns red just as you pull up - if you don't speed excessively. Incentive = speed excessively! Stupid gov' mint!

The problem? It's the same government. The two routes are less than 3 miles apart and most days, I drive on both :-(

To do in DC

Currently: planning future fun

I've been in the area for quite awhile. It's difficult to believe that I am now most undeniably a long-timer, because sometimes I still feel "new" to town. My big pile of restaurant matchbooks and business cards, however, as well as my ever-revolving friend set (2nd? 3rd set? People that have left are starting to come back!) attest to my geographical longevity. Now that I'm firmly ensconced (heh, try, "for the past 4+ years") with a decent job and an indecent mortgage, it's probably time to face facts and plan for the near long-term future; including, of course, the fun things I still want to do. Even though I've made a pretty good-sized dent in the myriad of entertainments available around here, there's still quite a list of activities that I've never quite gotten around to, such as:

- Strolling to Hains point on a perfect sunny day and clambering all over The Awakening. (Yesterday was fun!)

(Not my picture - I have now seen this! In the sort of

creepy, but totally awesome, metal flesh!)

- Climbing to the top of the National Cathedral.

- Going to an organ concert at the National Cathedral.

- Wishing I could put out a cigarette on the floor of the National Cathedral, whilst shaking my fist at God, a la Jed Bartlet in The West Wing. (Maybe I could pretend?)

- Participating in the Messiah sing-along with the National Symphony at the Kennedy Center.

- Touring the White House. Or even better, going there for work, etc.

- Same for the Capitol building.

- Touring Arlington National Cemetery.

- Browsing through the National Archives.

- Hiking a significant portion of the C&O Canal.

- Biking along the Mt. Vernon Trail.

- Oh yeah, also checking out Mt. Vernon.

- Going to a performance of The Capitol Steps.

- Figuring out if I've hiked parts A, B, and C of the Billy Goat Trail, or if I've just done part A a fragillion times.

- Watching an Imax movie at the Smithsonian. Then trying to watch an Imax movie without getting sick.

- Sitting in on proceedings at the Supreme Court.

- Finally getting to one of the Library of Congress' free concerts.

- Summoning up the courage to go to the Holocaust Museum.

- Summoning up the absurd fee (spoiled by the Smithsonians, for sure) to go to the Spy Museum.

- Summoning up the will to fight the crowds on the National Mall on July 4th.

- Catching some summertime jazz in the Sculpture Garden.

- Going ice skating and hot-chocolating in the winter Sculpture Garden.

- Catching a bell concert at the Netherlands Carillon.

- Attending a Twilight Tattoo.

- See the view from atop the Washington Monument.

- Going to an event at an embassy.

- Finally seeing a movie at the AFI Silver.

- Kayaking somewhere along the Potomac.

And a bit further afield:

- Hiking in Shenandoah National Park. Maybe driving down Skyline Drive if it's not too crowded.

- Taking a trip out to Manassas Battlefield Park.

- Playing in some of the caves around here, possibly even the cheezy tourist caves, such as Luray Caverns.

- Going back to W&L. I can't believe I haven't been back since graduation!!

- There are vineyards in Virginia that are just begging for me to come visit...Once upon a time, I was supposed to go to Barboursville, but unfortunately, insanity intervened :(

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Anyone out there have other ideas? It's going to be a busy (few) summer(s)!!!

Not me

Current mood: firmly resolved

I know I've taken a walk over to the ubernerd side, but I categorically refuse for this to be my life:



(My little brother, on the other hand...)