The gates of sleep

While Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t generally address topics of greater depth than pretty, pretty hair or Mc-whatever of the moment, the other night I was truly moved to feel for Meredith’s plight. Snoring, after all, presents a rather mortifying and difficult-to-resolve dilemma. How do I know? As anyone who has ever slept in the same room (down the hall, in the same building, zip code, etc.) as me can attest, oh, I know.

I like, nay, need, to sleep on my back. If I try to sleep on my side, at some point, I will turn over onto my back. Breathe-rite strips are anti-sexy and pretty much useless. Extra pillows don't help, either. The result? Apparently, my snoring isn't exactly, er, delicate or ladylike. More like the proverbial sawing of logs, as if in the sawmill, with ear pressed to the protesting saw while it works through screaming logs. Yeah, thanks, dad.

I'm not sure how my sister survived childhood in our shared room without any sleep. I like to think that I was preparing her for coupled life. To compound sleeping logistical difficulties, I can't sleep when others snore even the tiniest bit. So I am not only the person keeping everybody else up, but I'm also the one whinging in the morning when somebody managed to fall asleep. I've been in many sleepover situations where I'm told that I narrowly escaped being smothered at night or strangled in the morning...Suffice it to say, I no longer get to share hotel rooms on group vacations :(

So, Mer, I feel your pain and chagrin. Girls like us get all sorts of ridicule (mean people!) and guilt (well, yeah, I feel badly about keeping you up). You've got your McDreamy; now all I have to do is find someone who sleeps like the dead, thinks snoring is palatable and hopefully funny and possibly endearing, and is absolutely silent himself. Maybe I should invest in an earplug company.

Oh yeah, I grind my teeth, too.