Completely inappropriate things for hotel staff to say

Current mood: infuriated

You know that new Dixie Chicks song, the one about being hoppin' mad and not ready to make nice, i.e., still aching to bop someone in the nose? Yeah, that's how I feel towards Comfort Inn hotel staff about now:

"Oh, I'm not from around here. You'll have to look that up in the phone book." THRICE! (In answer to, where can I find a gym/food/FedEx?)

"Well, FedEx doesn't pick up here. You'll have to call them." (Um, this is a hotel, right? YOU bloody call them.)

"Oh, is this your package? My shift just started, so I don't know who was handling it, but I'm sure someone called FedEx and they'll come get it tomorrow." (Well, I wanted it to go out TODAY. That's the whole point of priority overnight!)

"The Internet is closed." [As her homework books are strewn about the terminal.] Well, I can't access the WiFi you so generously provide, and I need to turn this in for work. "I'm sorry, you'll have to come back tomorrow." [Blood pressure unable to rise further] Hurt! Maim!! Kill!!!

Aaaaaaand that's when I rolled my eyes, collected my package to ship out my own d*mn self, and stomped back to my room. There was no calling of names, of managers, or general mayhem, because I was 99.99% certain that I wouldn't be able to maintain an icy and precise outraged demeanor, and no one really takes hysterically shrieking/sobbing/tantrumming/ironically laughing harpies seriously. A pity, that.