So, breaking up

Current mood: combative and Get. Out. Of. My. Way-ish

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. There are lots of ways to break up with a person, and if we all 'fessed up, I think we've all done things we're not exactly proud of.

I've decided that the Universe is punishing me for breaking up (well, sending a friend to do it for me. I know, I know. *smacks self* Bad!) with a guy on Valentine's day a zillion years ago. Poor schlub had no idea it was coming, because, really, high school boys? Not so good at reading the incredibly subtle hints that only high-school girls can dole out. (Like telling him you don't like him anymore, or, you know, suggesting that he should really stop calling. Geez!) It was kinda ugly.

There's the ever popular method of acting like a total a**jack until your significant other gives up and writes you off in a blaze of disgust and expletives. Or, perhaps, pours a drink on you in public (without lighting it on fire. Now that would be excessive.) or hooks up with your best friend. Ah, the classics.

Speaking of the classics, there's always the "It's not you, it's me" routine. Even if you tell the person to Zipit!!!! midway through, much in the style of Dr. Evil, it's still almost laughably horrible.

Or, you could just say "I'm not that into you." (Horrid, truly horrid, but you know what? Has an unpoetic simplicity and truth.)

Aaaaanyway. I've decided that there's something worse. After all, there's callous and then there's cruel. If you're planning on breaking up with someone, don't tell them that everything is great, act like it is great, make reservations fairly far into the future, or invite them to travel home with you. All that TLC and cute happy-acting? It's then, let's just say, rather confusing when you then begin, "By the way, it's not you..." Seriously, grow (or strap on, I'm equal opportunity) a pair, and tell your soon-to-be-insignificant other that something is wrong. Then, break up coldly, completely, and confidently. Nothing's worse than "I'm not sure...I don't know..." God. Oh, and a reason why is generally nice. We're all into self-improvement here.

Because that gobsmacking and lack of information creates "sorely puzzled and deeply hurt" person. Who transitions into "WTF??!! Scr*w you anyway!" person, to be soon followed by "OMG, I am so angry that I'm spitting nails that I wish would literally pierce your tender tiny bits!!!!!!!!!" person, which really isn't a pretty place to be.

Whew! I'm so glad that's not me!!!! That person sounds bitter or something. (Universe, am I forgiven yet? Please??!! I really want to be done with Purgatory...)